I started writing this post on 23 December (2016). I mentioned in my October 2016 post that by Winter Solstice, we would have it all figured out. Today is 8 May (2017).  Clearly life happened and I have been out of commission in the writing department. To my regular readers, thank you for reminding me why I started this blog and why it's so important for me to continue typing out my thoughts and feelings.

I tried writing several times and I just couldn't finish..Perhaps I didn't have the motivation I needed or perhaps the creative juices weren't flowing...nonetheless, here we are. I received a FB message about a month ago from a sweet young lady who told me how much she enjoyed reading my blog and how I had inspired her. Little did she know she inspired me.

Mommin' ain't easy, and some days I'm just exhausted. I want to save the energy I do have for my family, which leaves little time for writing. Granted when I think about why I started the blog to begin with, I know that I need to make time. Doing the things I enjoy make me a better person, a better mom, a better girlfriend, and a better sister. 

I have to prioritize. After all self care is critical to being the best me I can be. Which brings me to my topic for today's post. Individualism and Identity.

As you've read from my numerous other posts, I've always wanted to be a mom. That being said, I never wanted to be that mom that was totally consumed with mommin' and loses herself. I still long to do things alone (which hasn't happened since my sweet baby became mobile). 

*side story* I just wanted to pee and shower. No. Pitter pat pat little hands and feet follow me to the bathroom. Pulling himself up on my knees, looking at me with beautiful brown eyes that say "mom I want to take a bath too, even though you just bathed me and I splashed water all over the floor." No. I cannot have bathroom time alone. *end*

Not just bathroom time, but just me time. Time to write, time to just decompress from a stressful work day, time to workout O_o.....I am finally cleared to have a regular workout routine and it is struggle. I have written before about accepting my new body, but it is still a work in progress and I do want to be a healthier person. If I treat my body well, I will instill healthy habits in my son and hopefully he will learn that healthy is not skinny. Additionally, I refuse to miss out on great moments with him because I am body conscious. This will be his first mobile summer; this mama (although I don't like water) will be at the beach playing splish splash with my boy--bathing suit and all.

A few days ago I posted a link to a blog "piece" I read that was in summation "you go girl. Mommin' and living. Do you. Be happy. It's ok to be tired and want alone time while still loving motherhood." And she is so right. I am an individual. I am Ciera. I am a mom. Its ok for me to want what I want and still give my son all that he needs. At the end of the day, I am trying my best. I have dedicated the month of May to self-care. I am intentional about making "me" time in hopes to create a new habit. So my 45 min in the gym, serves two purposes... getting fit and having alone time. Everyday thus far, I have done something I wanted--- watched a show, filled in my planner, and even took a looooong shower. Making strides to be more about me.

But I know you're really here for Baby Beez. LOL

                                                         The latest hashtag #KeepingUpWithBabyBeez...

Brayden is 10 months, has five teeth and is gnawing on everything in sight. His top two teeth just came in. Being up at random hours with a cranky baby is never fun. Especially the times when I am on E and he is all the way up, but I revel in those moments. I know he wont be a baby forever. In less than 2 months we will have a 1 year old. *internal freak out* Y'all know I started my Pinterest board when he was an infant. I have since then changed the theme... stay tuned. 

He is crawling at the speed of sound and pulling himself up on anything sturdy enough to give him balance. (Yesterday he made his way to the bathroom and pulled up on the tub to bang on it. The echo kept him intrigued. It's amazing what babies find amusing.) He has also mastered saying "ma-ma, da-da-da, and Hi." He can shake his head "no" as well. (After church one day, I said "Bray, we are blessed and highly favored" he shook his head 'no'...we have some work to do there lol)

He knows he shouldn't touch the TV stand and has a ferocious appetite, (Bananas, sweet potatoes, and smoothies are a few favorites). If you follow me on snap chat, you saw that he is currently going thru a phase where he wants to feed himself. Yea yea yea, all sweet until you have to clean up the huge mess and him. My mama said "let him be independent." I said, "well you come clean my house and him, when your independent grandson has sweet potatoes for eyebrows and the floor is covered. Please feel free to take him with mashed banana in his fingers and hair."   Lol super cute photo opportunities, but Such. A. Mess.

He can drink water from a glass and refuses his sippy cup. He still enjoys bath time very much (splashing and laughing) and still falls asleep in my arms as I sing him the ABCs.

Oh yea, I hit my one year anniversary with my job (yes, the one that I started when I was super pregnant with Bray). God has a way of making things work in your favor. I have acquired several new marketable skills and a promotion in the last year. Although I really enjoy what I do, the political climate is taxing and I'm ready to leave NOVA. We shall see what the next chapter holds.