Bring On The Waterworks
Being pregnant is one of the scariest things I have experienced thus far; and I have been to war, received my combat action badge, and lived to tell about it. Everything I do now makes me wonder how it will affect the baby. What I eat, how I sleep, the lotion and face wash I use. It is so much to handle. Then again my ISTJ personality makes me worry and analyze every little thing. EVERY. LITTLE. THING. After all I am a FTM.
The first time I experienced lower abdominal pain, I thought maybe I was over reacting. It was such severe pain that I ended up in the ER for over six hours. It was our anniversary and we were in the hospital praying for the safety of our unborn child. I cried multiple times throughout the day. Partly because of the pain, and partly due to the fact that I was not sure what to expect. So many questions. So much waiting. Not enough answers. It was both terrifying and humbling. Finally, we learned that I was in fact okay and that the pain was from a spike in my hormones. [Hormones are the cause for most things while pregnant]. We heard the baby’s heartbeat as well, so we knew he was alright too. We made it home about midnight, exhausted and relieved.
At my first OB appointment the doc told me not to worry. She said the baby looked healthy and was actually measuring at a larger size than expected. >.< We saw the baby’s heartbeat, watched him wave to us and kick his little legs. I cried, again. My exact words were “awww look at my baby!” Beez smiled from ear to ear. That moment was a slice of heaven. My heart was overwhelmed with joy and I couldn’t stop smiling or keep the tears from rolling.
We received our sonogram pictures and talked to the physician assistant about prenatal testing, family history, and maintaining a healthy diet.
After the appointment, we made our way to Marshall’s and picked up baby Seymour’s first pair of booties.
Beez decided how to announce we were pregnant and then of course I get on Facebook and see that someone had done it already. It made me sad, but I didn’t cry. LOL
Needless to say I am full tears. I am crying over silly things—such as putting up the Christmas Tree. I did not feel “Chirstmasy” and my ornament was too heavy to hang. I listened to the music form the angel music ornament that my mom got me when I was 16—tears. I cry when I’m happy, when I’m frustrated, or when I’m overwhelmed. Sometimes I cry and have no idea why. I honestly find it frustrating sometimes, you know, not being able to control when I want to cry. Blame the hormones.
One evening I cried because I forgot I couldn’t take a hot bath. For those who don’t know, high temperatures are not good for a developing fetus. No sauna, no hot tub, no hot showers/baths. I was looking forward to soaking in my lavender/eucalyptus scented Epsom salts and had a moment. Luckily, I did remember, but I felt horrible. How could I forget something so important??!!!! I just wanted to take a bath to ease my back pain. Beez reminded me that I hadn’t even turned on the water and that in fact I did remember. So technically I didn’t forget, and it doesn’t make me a horrible mother. [I can always count on him to give me a pep talk LOL] Nonetheless, I cried for about ten minutes.
Naturally, I am a Highly Sensitive Person (Huffington Post has a great article about HSP), and being pregnant intensifies these emotions. Luckily my best friend is always only a call away and listens to my half talk/cries. We often joke that she is experiencing my pregnancy symptoms since we are so close.
I know I will probably continue to cry, but that’s okay. As much as pregnancy is a physical change, it is also a very mental and emotional change. Pregnancy is a process and I am blessed I have an amazing support system.
